Funny Movie Quotes and Iconic Lines From Classic Comedy Films

There’s nothing better than a laugh-out-loud joke or one-liner. After all, who can resist a dumb dad joke? Even better, however, is when the wisecrack is delivered courtesy of your favorite comedy classic. Because long after you’ve seen the film, you can still recite the best lines, making you laugh time and again.

To put all the best lines in one place, we’ve gathered a collection of funny movie quotes and hilarious gags that we’re sure are going to have you cracking up.

Take Monty Python’s “The Holy Grail” for instance. Who doesn’t remember the classic 1975 quip, “I fart in your general direction?”

Other memorable movie lines include Clark Griswold’s hilarious crack when he discovers Cousin Eddie standing in his living room in “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” saying, “Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”

Of course, no movie quote compilation would be complete without a few gems from “Dumb and Dumber,” a comedy chock full of recitable lines like Jim Carrey’s sidesplitting, “According to the map, we’ve only gone four inches.”

If you like those wisecracks, you’ve come to the right place, because there are plenty more from your favorite movies including, “Young Frankenstein,” “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery,” “Bridesmaids,” “Anchorman” and many others.

So, settle in, and prepare your knees for slapping, because these quotes are comedy gold.

• “If I’m not back in five minutes … just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”
• “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!” — President Merkin Muffley, “Dr. Strangelove”
• “Oh, it’s all right. I’m sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn’t that right … Mr. Poopy Pants?” — Lt. Frank Drebin, “The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear”
• “Huh. I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.” — Lloyd, “Dumb and Dumber”
• “How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?” — Chet, “Weird Science”

• “You learned to dance like that sarcastically?” — Alan Gamble, “The Other Guys”
• “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick a–, and I’m all out of bubblegum” — Nada, “They Live”
• “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” — John Bender, “The Breakfast Club”
• “Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not going to happen!” — Regina, “Mean Girls”
• “It’s not the years, Honey. It’s the mileage.” — Indiana Jones, “Raiders of the Lost Ark”
• “Lots of people go to college for seven years.” — Tommy, “Tommy Boy”

• “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a–.” — Buzz, “Home Alone” (1990)
• “Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.” — Clark Griswold, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989)
• “It’s pronounced ‘Fronkensteen.’” — Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, “Young Frankenstein” (1974)
• “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.” — Principal Max Anderson, “Billy Madison”
• “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” — French soldier, “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” (1975)

• “When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends.” — Harry Burns, “When Harry Met Sally” (1989)
• “I go for a look which I call ‘Dead-But-Delicious.’” — Vladislav, “What We Do in the Shadows” (2014)
• “I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal.” — Ron Burgundy, “Anchorman” (2004)
• “I thought I had mono once for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.” — Wayne Campbell, “Wayne’s World” (1992)
• “Who’s the only one here who knows secret Ninja moves from the government?” — Napoleon Dynamite, “Napoleon Dynamite” (2004)

• “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt because it says, like, ‘I wanna be formal, but I’m here to party, too.’” — Cal Naughton Jr., “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” (2006)
• “You’re not your dad. He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves!” — Richard Hayden, “Tommy Boy” (1995)
• “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.” — Derek Zoolander, “Zoolander” (2001)
• “Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!” — Austin Powers, “Austin Powers in Goldmember” (2002)
• “I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?” — Jack Byrnes, “Meet the Parents” (2000)

• “I want to apologize. I’m not even confident on which end that came out of.” — Megan, “Bridesmaids” (2011)
• “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed, animal-food-trough wiper. I fart in your general direction.” — French Soldier, “Monty Python and The Holy Grail” (1975)
• “Oh, this is your wife? A lovely lady. Hey, baby, you’re alright. You must’ve been something before electricity.” — Al Czervik, “Caddyshack” (1980)
• “I’ll have what she’s having.” — Restaurant patron, “When Harry Met Sally…” (1989)
• “It’s just a flesh wound.” — The Black Knight, “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” (1975)

• “Anyone? Anyone?” — Economics teacher, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (1986)
• “Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again.” — Morticia, “The Addams Family” (1991)
• “This is serious. I just sharted.” — Sandy Lyle, “Along Came Polly” (2004)
• “Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you the morning.” — Dread Pirate Roberts, “The Princess Bride” (1987)
• “If they told you wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them? — Del Griffith, “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” (1987)

• “Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come home, irritate me.” — Oscar Madison, “The Odd Couple” (1968)
• “She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.” — Harry Dunne, “Dumb and Dumber” (1994)
• “My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon … luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.” — Dr. Evil, “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery” (1997)
• “I don’t know why they call this stuff ‘Hamburger Helper.’ It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than than Tuna Helper, myself. Don’t you, Clark?” — Cousin Eddie, “Vacation” (1983)
• “What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras? Or Halle Berry in her ‘Catwoman’ suit?” — Stu Price, “The Hangover” (2009)

• “Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” — Reg, “The Life of Brian” (1979)
• “I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. And I’m sorry I told everyone about it. And I’m sorry for repeating it now.” — Karen Smith, “Mean Girls” (2004)
• “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” — Ricky Bobby, “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” (2006)
• “Don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.” — Kip, “Napoleon Dynamite” (2004)
• “It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl. Boy loses girl. Girl finds boy. Boy forgets girl. Boy remembers girl. Girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.” — Lt. Frank Drebin, “The Naked Gun”

• “Tardiness is not something you can do all on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the L.A. city bus driver for taking a chance on an unknown kid. And, last but not least, the wonderful crew of McDonald’s for spending hours making those Egg McMuffins, without which I might never be tardy.” — Travis, “Clueless” (1995)
• “Before you make those kinds of demands, you should put a note on your door that says, ‘Do not come into my room and read my diary and wear my clothes.” — Gil, “Bridesmaids” (2011)
• “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?” — Clark Griswold, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989)
• “A cosmetologist? That’s unbelievable. That’s impressive. Must be tough to handle the weightlessness.” — Navin Johnson, “The Jerk” (1979)
• “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan, “Dodgeball” (2004)

• “Most blokes will be playing at ten. You’re on ten here. All the way up. All the way up. All the way up. You’re on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?” — Nigel Tufnel, “This is Spinal Tap” (1984)
• “If we went to a Halloween party dressed as Batman and Robin, I’d go as Robin. That’s how much you mean to me.” — Chazz Michael Michaels, “Blades of Glory” (2007)
• “She gets a special cologne. It’s called ‘Sex Panther’ by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries. Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.” — Brian Fantana, “Anchorman” (2004)
• “According to the map, we’ve only gone four inches.” — Harry Dunne, “Dumb and Dumber” (1994)
• “I am serious. And don’t call me ‘Shirley.’ — Dr. Rumack, “Airplane” (1980)

• “There are only two things I can’t stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures, and the Dutch.” — Nigel Powers, “Austin Powers in Goldmember” (2002)
• “I just decided to give up on myself and become a teacher because those that can’t do, teach. And those that can’t teach, teach gym.” — Dewey Finn, “School of Rock”
• “I’m the Dude. So, that’s what you call me, you know. That or His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.” — The Dube, “The Big Lebowski” (1998)
• “Why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here.” — Biff Tannen, “Back to the Future Part II” (1989)
• “Mamma says that alligators are ornery because they’ve got all them teeth, but no toothbrush.” — Bobby Boucher, “The Waterboy” (1998)