Colorado Humane Society Dubs Cats ‘SATC’ Characters In Hilarious Post

The Humane Society of the Pikes Peak Region boasted that the selections were “scientifically accurate results,” adding, “We will not be taking questions. You are what you are (and let’s be real, you’re probably a Miranda).”

Despite that, Carrie Bradshaw took home the win with four cats meeting the criteria of New York City’s resident dating columnist-turned novelist.

For orange cat Stevie, it’s due to a complete disregard for understanding — and learning anything about — money, being the “hot party girl despite being deeply weird” and calling her boyfriend at three in the morning to “yell at him about nothing.”

Pop Tart brings “pure unhinged chaos” to the party, while Ashlynn has uncontainable “truly bizarre energy” and makes “deranged” statements she thinks are “profound” thoughts. As for Astrid, well, the Humane Society of the Pikes Peak Region said “no further explanation” was needed.

Penelope, Kitty and Bubba were all deemed Mirandas for their more pragmatic nature.

Case in point, much like Miranda Hobbes, Penelope is “judgmental, but usually right” and needs a “chill, patient person to balance” her out. Kitty has low tolerance for “stupid people” and may seem like a “girlboss on the surface” though all she wants is to “cuddle on the couch with takeout,” while Bubba is seeking a partner who is “extremely non-clingy.”

Charlotte York is embodied by Chyna, Midnight and Jericko.

Chyna is the type who “would dump someone instantly over the wrong china pattern” and doesn’t have a problem “acting helpless” to get more attention. Midnight is a “hopeless romantic” (derogatory) who “desperately need a nice, stable bald man” to keep him grounded. Jericko holds a secret disco obsession and binge-watches Elizabeth Taylor documentaries to get her out of a slump.

Only two cats embodied the elusive essence of Samantha Jones: Fairweather Fred and Purrpuss. Fairweather Fred emanates “magnetic energy,” can ruin a mimosa at brunch with a shocking statement but is “secretly the kindest and most stable friend.”

Purrpuss has a similar vibe, including the ability to throw a martini at someone and carry on as if nothing happened, lie about his age (but get away with it) and is “too cool for most people” while letting them know it.

In the comments section, Instagram users reveled in the silly post, with another rescue writing, “how do you even come up with these ideas.”

“Big, big (no, not *that* “Big”) kudos to the copywriter… who is SLAYING,” another Instagram user wrote.

Another user wrote, “Heavy on the JUDGEMENTAL BUT USUALLY RIGHT.”

And when one user commented, “Hot take: all cats are Mirandas — always providing side-eye,” the Humane Society of the Pikes Peak Region had the perfect comeback.

“We don’t know about that,” the response read. “We’ve got a lot of Carries that are not aware enough of their surroundings to give side eye.”